I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I deserve this hangover.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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