Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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