Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You made out with two different species that night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize