I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
