We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're a waste of cheezeits
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
