so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
