oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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