lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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