I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
