I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
