i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
