i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize