Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
