how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
