I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
