sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is wine microwaveable?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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