Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
