im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
