I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
