i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't deserve a penis
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
