she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
