my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
