i jhust puked up my retainher.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
