I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
