It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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