and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
