Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
