I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
