I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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