That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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