sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
