I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
