I think scott just propositioned me for sex
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
