No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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