It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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