drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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