it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
