I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
