32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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