Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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