bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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