they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
