it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
