some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
