porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
