hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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