the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
