i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
