If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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