if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
