Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
