we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
