I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
