it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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