Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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