PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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