OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
