do herpes really smell.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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