wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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