You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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