Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
