Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
