I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
