We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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