I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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