Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
