dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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